23 and falling apart
Last week it was my birthday and I woke up at home to the kisses and cuddles of my two favourite pups in the world. My Aunt and Uncle came round to say hello and pass on well wishes and birthday cards and then I was headed back through to Glasgow to go to IKEA with my mum and stepdad before getting ready to meet my friends. We ended up going to see Bladerunner 2049 (amazing btw!) before going out for birthday drinks at Broadcast and a dance at Berkeley Suite. It was nice, I was out late and I woke up without a hangover (a birthday miracle!) Sunday was spent chilling in bed all day before heading to see one of my favourite bands, Manchester Orchestra, for the third time. Less than a week later and I feel like I'm falling apart.
First off there is the no-sleeping. For weeks I've been plagued with a lack of sleep with no apparent reason for it - I go to bed and then I wake up an hour or two into the night and I am awake. I try and get back to sleep but to no avail. Eventually after three or four hours I'll either succumb to my exhaustion or give up and stay awake. My head just seems to be full for no reason.
This week I'm trying Superdrug's own brand 'QUIET NIGHT' Valerian tablets thanks to the suggestion of my friend What Lydia Made - a traditional herbal medication used for relief of sleep disturbances. I'm currently on my fourth night and they seem to be doing the job - I've started to sleep all the way through the night without waking which seems miraculous. The only thing is they do cause some residual drowsiness throughout the following day but for me that only results in yawning you just have to work through. So if you're looking for a remedy for your sleep deprivation I'd definitely give these a try.
The other reason I've not been feeling myself is a lot grimmer. After struggling with a dry upper lip for a few weeks now it's now become infected with Impetigo. The fact that its usually children that get this infection and I'm definitely no longer a child is almost laughable - what's worse is that it has made me so self-conscious that I don't want to leave the house during daylight.
It's sore and crusty and makes me think that everybody is looking at me which isn't a great feeling - that and it's had me crying on the phone to my mum twice because I feel so crap and anxious about it. I know it's temporary, I know it will go away and it won't leave a mark but that doesn't make coping with it right now any easier. I'll just wallow in miserable self-pity until it starts to clear up. Hopefully now that I've got medication for it it should just be a few days but honestly, sometimes it just feels like one thing hits right after another and that you don't get a break!
I just have to remember that this is only temporary and that realistically - strangers on the street don't give a shit what you look like, and you'll probably never see them again. (Thanks Sarah for drumming that in to me today). That and talking to people that have been in similar situations really helps you feel like you're not alone and that this isn't the worst thing to ever happen to you.
If you're in need of someone to chat to then know that I'm here, there's literally nothing worse than feeling like you're isolated and alone.
- Melissa x